I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
