the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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