people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
accomplished twins. life is a go
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
