I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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