FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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