I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
