When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Never underestimate the power of titties
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
