Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
