my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
