absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
