I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize