I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
