I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
