yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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