I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
