Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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