I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Farmville is her only friend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
