The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
