I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize