remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize