When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I could fuck to npr.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
