Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
