it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize