I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize