called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
