Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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