it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
