the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
