No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
