im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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