I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
