Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize