I wish they made helmets for livers.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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