Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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