well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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