She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
