Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize