the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
