I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sober January is a disaster.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
