Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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