Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
