I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
