Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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