I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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