Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
