respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Rumble strips road head = magical
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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