hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
