dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
