I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
