She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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