All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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