i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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