Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she looked like the before picture.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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