I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
