Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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