So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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