I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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