my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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