Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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