I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
