i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize