Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
