i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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