your thong is hanging out like whoa
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize