My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
