I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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