I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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