someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
