youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
