life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We had sex on a dog bed..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
