i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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