That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
