as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The air was thick with penises
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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