He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize