You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
