party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
